MMXVII

With my high school graduation being mere days away, I took some time to reflect upon the past 4 years of my life. Who I was and who I became are complete strangers, two completely different versions of me. My experiences and memories, both happy and sad, positive and negative, shaped me into a person I am proud of being today.

Freshman year is rough for pretty much everyone. Being thrown into a new place with tons and tons of new people is nerve-wracking for a fourteen year old, especially when everyone is still trying to find themselves and their place in this world. I met my best friend to date in freshman year, and we met in the strangest way possible. I was a lot more naive, childish, and immature my freshman year.

Sophomore year was a blur to me. Most people in my school had already found their friends and established their friend groups, but I was the shy kid with just a few friends. I didn’t talk to anyone and was extremely closed off and judgmental, not letting others in. My first boyfriend screwed me over this year. I had an intimate group of people I trusted, but as a sophomore, nothing really changed. I was still naive, immature and lazy.

Junior year was definitely the most difficult year of high school for me. It was stressful, my classes got progressively harder and harder by the year and it took a toll on me. My mental health began slipping, I lost friendships, got lower grades than I wanted, and was unhappy in general. I had my first panic attack this year, and nobody to go to when it occurred. I was lonely, still lost, and everything felt helpless. This was definitely my low point, and I wasn’t sure how or when I could pull myself out of it, but I did.

Senior year was the year I became, well, me. These past nine months have been quite honestly some of the best memories of my life. I have made an extensive amount of new and close friends, and I no longer feel like I am isolated from the human race and friendless. Something about the dynamic of how I viewed my classmates and how they viewed me changed, because I became friends with people I had known all four years but never talked to. My schedule cleared up a little bit, alleviating some of the stress from school, and allowed me to focus on myself. I was able to help myself figure out the source of all of my problems and the strength from my new and old friendships gave me the courage to face them head-on. This year, I really believe I found myself and figured out the path in which I wanted to head down.

I guess the moral of the story is, be patient. Be kind. Be bold, because sometimes the things you want and need the most in life are not handed to you on a silver platter; they must be earned by taking initiative. Have an open mind, and open yourself up to new possibilities, ideas, and people. I wasn’t happy until I realized how to actually begin the search for it, which is what I’m encouraging everyone to do. Search for your happiness, and fight for it. I didn’t get it until I stepped out of my comfort zone and out of my introverted skin. My Myers Briggs Personality Test type literally changed from introvert to extrovert. I became comfortable in my skin, learned to love myself and accept my flaws, and embrace every little detail of myself and my life. I became happy because I wanted to become happy, and that’s all it really takes. I am now living my life with a constant smile on my face, with a warm and welcoming heart, and in a constant state of serenity.

In just two days, I will walk across the stage at my high school graduation and finish the final chapter of the book I have been writing for eighteen years. I will begin writing the first chapter of my adult life at the University of Colorado Boulder, and I could not be more ecstatic to see how and where my path takes me. Wherever it may be, and however it treats me, I know I will keep the courage in my heart and tackle the obstacles with the fire inside me.

Thank you for everything, high school. You were a pain in my ass most of the time, but I wouldn’t have been able to discover who I was meant to be without you.

–

E.L.