3:30 pm

they say the eyes are the window to the soul. take a peek inside and you’ll be able to witness a flash of their entire existence, a snippet of their soul. who they really are.

today, that saying has never been more true for me.

i was on the verge of submerging myself into chaos the minutes prior to 3:30 pm. then when i saw you, it was like every single feeling of uncertainty and nervousness was washed away to sea, sinking into the depths of the ocean and disintegrating for good. i forgot instantly how terrifying this moment was supposed to be, and instead, found a certain solace in hearing your voice again.

so we talked. like old times. our conversation was relatively normal, save a few moments of silence, but like always, that silence was never a burden. it blanketed us gently, giving us security in knowing that nearly nothing has changed. despite being two completely different people, we’ll always be comforting presences for one another. some things never, ever change.

your eyes are a dead giveaway. the way you search my face, the way you look at me like you want to remember every detail about me and this moment. even though the gaze is comfortable, reserved and ever so curious, i look into your eyes and i can’t seem to figure them out. they’re an enigma. i can’t figure out what you’re thinking about, but at the same time, i know exactly what you’re feeling. i think it’s because i feel it too.

now that you’re here again, i find myself lost but not lost at the same time. my compass doesn’t work in the presence of you. it never did. there’s a broken mirror between us, shattered and difficult to comprehend, but pieces of the reflection are there. even if we glue the pieces together, i don’t know if we’ll ever be able to heal the destruction our past has created. there will always be cracks in the mirror. the question is whether or not we’ll be able to look past those lines obstructing the view and move on.

for now, the universe has allowed you to be a part of me life once again. fate brought us together once again, and i can’t help but think about how i thought the last page in our book had been written the moment you decided to leave me. i was wrong about that; we were just ending one chapter and beginning a new chapter.

today at 3:30 pm, my life took me on a new path. a path i had restricted myself from going down for the longest time, but a path that i now felt confident in following blindly. you are everywhere around me, silently guiding my conscience, whispering directions into my ear. i’m begging you, please don’t guide me in the wrong direction.

like always, you are accompanying me down a new realm of my existence. i put my blind faith into you, and it will either be the greatest mistake or the greatest fruition of my life.

–

E.L.