the aftermath

our start: 09.16.17

our fall: 12.26.17

your return: 08.29.18

our salvation: 09.28.18

our end: 10.24.18

the aftermath: today

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i fell in love with you. you fell in love with me.

what went wrong?

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you lost me forever last wednesday night, and i lost you forever last night.

the aftermath of our final fall from grace could not be anymore devastating. we’ve been playing a game of tug of war for the past year, trading off who dominates the higher ground in this beyond complicated relationship. the stakes have elevated higher and higher with each time the victor in the game is reversed, and the consequences have disoriented our hearts and broken our dreams.

we were never on the same wavelength. in the end, we arrived at the same destination, but our timelines have never matched up. i knew from the very start that you would be my one in a million, but it took you far too long to have that epiphany. by the time you got there, ready to accept what’s been in front of you for so long, i was already lightyears away.

the remains of our perfect world are buried behind the burning hot coals of your amateur mistakes, your calamitous lies, my hopeless naïveté, and our ill luck. reaching into the flames to save those remains is too dangerous—though they are alive still, being protected by the warmth of the flames, if we attempt at salvaging them, we would only be burned alive further.

you said that i will forever be your greatest mistake. you had a million chances to capture me, but you missed every single one of those chances. how we were cursed with such misfortune is beyond my comprehension, and i will never understand why the world had to pry us apart with its bloody steel claws.

the aftermath is ugly. we are standing alone in a desolate wasteland, holding onto each other for dear life, despite knowing that it is not the right thing to do. you won’t ever stop longing for me, and i won’t ever stop needing you. together, we are a cataclysm, cannibalizing ourselves as we pursue the most treacherous path in this aftermath.

and yet, i trust myself enough to steer my wits through this jungle of a forbidden us. the aftermath is barren, leaving us as carcasses of who we once were, but i will fight my way through it for you.

–

E.L.