twenty eighteen. / a look back
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this year has been a year of learning. lessons from the pain and the heartbreak that i have endured have taught me things about myself that i have come to embrace, and have incited my growth as a human being.
the beginning of the year was a tough one for me. i was coping with the loss of a few important people that had once been a part of my life, and it wasn’t easy. i hadn’t ever experienced such loneliness in my life — from january to april, i was living in a world of constant paranoia, loneliness, and pessimism. i was miserable. i retreated back into my shell that i had just broken out of late last year, and i isolated myself.
thankfully, with the support of a few people that stood by my side, i was able to flourish. when i was able to snap out of my dangerous spiral, i took the pain that i felt and turned it into something that could better myself. i worked harder in school, i went out of my way to meet new people, and i adopted a new outlook on life. my gpa was higher than it has ever been my spring 2018 semester, i joined an academic honor fraternity and met a lot of amazing people who made me feel like i was part of a community, and i finally let go of my demons from the past. i stopped holding grudges, i learned to forgive those that have wronged me in the past, and i started focusing on the things that really mattered.
one of the most important lessons that has come to me this year was that no matter now how absolutely awful life is, it will always get better. the sun doesn’t shine before the clouds clear out. everything that happens to you happens for a reason, and the only thing you can do is make the most out of everything that comes your way. i dwelled on the past for too long, and i let my bitterness consume me to the point where it was unhealthy. once i let go of and forgave those that hurt me, i felt so, so much better. i looked at it as an opportunity to start fresh, and using that energy, i let myself go. that’s not to say that i forgot about the people and things of the past, but i stopped letting those things burden me, and instead learned to appreciate them as a part of my past, which helped me grow into the person i am today.
the lessons i’ve learned from the love that i felt this year are just as powerful as the ones from the hurt. when i fell in love this year, it felt familiar, but it was new and exciting. not only did i experience a new kind of love this year, i truly took the time to appreciate the love that surrounded me during my rough time earlier this year. my family and my closest friends showed me undying dedication and compassion, and i found them always lifting me up when i needed them most. for that, i am eternally thankful. the new love that i encountered later in the year that shocked me to the core is something incredibly powerful and unforgiving. despite the numerous obstacles that stood in our way, we still found ourselves where we are today, somehow defying all odds. i am thankful for you. you know who you are.
this year was full of new experiences and unforgettable memories. i traveled alone for the first time — twice. i fell in love with seattle, the city that i know i will end up living in someday. i checked off an activity that has been on my bucket list for as long as i can remember — i went skydiving in san diego, surrounded by the city, the mountains, and the ocean. i saw all of my favorite musical artists in concert this year. i made numerous new close friends, and i kept in touch with many old ones. i finally got my first tattoo, something i’ve been wanting to do since i was old enough to even know what a tattoo was. i regained my self confidence, and i started feeling happy about myself again. i fell in love this year, and i fell hard. i continued to do well in school, maintaining my gpa and even taking a leap of faith by changing my major after finding my new passion. i started doing more things that helped better my mental and physical health, always paying attention to my own wellbeing and addressing any problems immediately.
the person i am today, on december 23rd, 2018, is a different person than the one on january 1, 2018. my journey of self-love, perseverance, and forgiveness has molded me into a version of myself that i am truly happy with. today, i look back on the past year, and instead of feeling sorrowful from the rough start to the year, i feel as if it’s bittersweet. life goes on, and if you don’t keep up, you aren’t living to your fullest potential.
2019, i am ready for you.
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E.L.